How to defeat self-doubt and stop settling for less
Are you always unable to make a decision because you are afraid you will make a wrong one? Do you struggle to believe in yourself and your abilities? Are you constantly seeking other people’s approval for you to do anything? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you harbor self-doubt. By the end of this article, you will have learnt more about self-doubt and how you can manage it.
What Is Self-Doubt?
Self-doubt is a state of uncertainty about the truth of anything e.g your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, opinions, decisions, self-views e.t.c People with self-doubt are always questioning their competency. At times, this may mean expecting poor performance, and at other times expecting excellent performance. They cannot confidently state their level of competence nor their ability to deliver.
The opposite of this is having clarity and certainty about one’s competence. This means having an idea of what to expect from anything you do, be it good, bad, or somewhere in the middle.
Causes of Self-Doubt
A team of researchers studying self-doubt came up with a very interesting experiment. They wanted to know if they could make a person have self-doubt. They gathered a group of people in a room, gave each a pen and a paper, and asked them to list at least ten examples of when they showed self-confidence. In the end, many left the room doubting themselves—how could they be self-confident if they can’t even come up with enough examples for the study? The same was found to work in the opposite. A similar sample of people were asked to list examples of where they showed a lack of confidence. The more examples they had, the more they doubted their self-confidence. Stated simply, anything that leads us to question our existing beliefs, thoughts, emotions, etc…can lead to self-doubt.
Self-doubt mostly arises from how the important people in our lives react to our judgments and mistakes. Whatever they think of our decisions, be it stupid or wise, we are more likely to agree with them, consciously or unconsciously.
Common Ways People Express Self Doubt
Self-doubt mostly manifest in unconscious ways. This is why you will hardly realize you doubt yourself until someone points it out. Below are several ways of how people express self-doubt that are easy to observe in yourself or others.
Self-handicapping. This is when one finds any other thing to blame for their mistakes or failures, to avoid facing the reality that they are not competent enough. Many use drugs, alcohol to distract themselves, or develop chronic procrastination, which worsens the self-doubt.
Overachievement. When you have self-doubt, you find it hard to believe that your regular efforts or competence alone are enough to succeed. You end up putting extra effort in everything without ever feeling that you are doing enough.
Imposter syndrome. This is when you feel like fraud or fake when you do something exceptionally well. When you have imposter syndrome, you always feel like whatever achievement you have is not a reflection of your abilities, but a result of good luck, perfect timing, or maybe good fortune. You will gladly give credit to someone or something else for your good job.
Other enhancement. This is an interesting one. This is when you find yourself focusing your opponent or competitor’s unfair advantages, so can console yourself that they are only successful because they have this or that. In most cases, this is just a manifestation of self-doubt.
How to Overcome Self Doubt
Self-doubt can be a limiting factor in your life. It can prevent you from going for what you rightfully deserve or exploit your potential. The good news is that it is manageable, and the best place to begin is by working on your self-esteem. To build your esteem, you have to master these three things:
- Unconditional self-worth. This is the belief that your worth can neither increased nor decreased by external factors i.e the way people treat you, your good or bad decisions, or the amount of money you make.
- Unconditional love. This is having an unchanging love for yourselves and others.
- Growth. This means always striving to be a better version of yourself, and doing what you need to do to get to the next level in your life.
By focusing on these three things, you will build your self-esteem and consequently overcome self-doubt. Here are a few ways to do this:
Use positive self-talk. This a proven method to overcome self-doubt and other challenges you may be experiencing. It involves saying kind, positive, or supportive words to yourself.
Use affirmations for self-doubt. This involves repeating positive statements to yourself to shift your mindset in ways that make us feel more self-confident and optimistic. Another way is to listen to affirmations as you fall asleep. There are numerous videos on the internet that you can choose from.
Practice self-compassion. This means always trying to be kind to yourself no matter what is happening to you or around you.
Find your strengths. This means focusing more on your strengths than focusing your weaknesses or challenges.
Use Self-Trust. When you are in self-doubt, you may find it hard to trust yourself. Trust yourself to make the right decisions, express your opinions and embrace failure as a stepping stone to success.
Many people continue to live in self-doubt because it feels familiar, comfortable, or easy. This is because to overcome it one has to work, become vulnerable, and risk failure. Gather the courage you need to begin fighting this enemy that has been holding you back so you can move forward with more confidence.
