How to manage Imposter Syndrome
As discussed in the previous article, imposter syndrome is the feeling that you are ‘fake’ or a fraud, even if your success says otherwise. Imposter syndrome can sometimes be a driving force motivating you to achieve more. The downside, however, is that you will pay the price of constantly dealing with anxiety. This means you will always over-prepare or work much harder than necessary, fearing someone may realize you are not best suited for that role. In the end, the constant anxiety may lead to depression.
If you have experienced imposter syndrome, then you will find yourself showing some or all of these signs:
- You set very challenging goals for yourself and beat yourself up when you don’t achieve them
- You have a constant fear that you will not live up to other people’s expectations
- You always attribute your success to any other thing, but you
- You are ever downgrading or understating your performance
- You constantly doubt yourself
- You are unable to be realistic when assessing your skills and competencies
- You will work so hard to overachieve, and normal achievement feels like nothing
- You sabotage your success consciously or unconsciously
To get past impostor syndrome, there are some important things you should dig deep to discover about yourself. The following three are a good place to start.
Core beliefs: What are your deepest beliefs about yourself, and are they accurate? Assess the beliefs about perfection and etiquette that you picked as you were growing up.
Self-worth: Do you believe you should be loved just as you are? If not, why? Be honest with yourself as you answer this.
Validation: Ask yourself…why do I feel the need to be perfectly behaved or do everything right to get the approval of those around me?
Effects of Imposter Syndrome
The problem with impostor syndrome is that nothing you do, no matter how well you do it, will change your beliefs about yourself. The more you accomplish, the more you just feel like a fraud. This cycle repeats itself throughout your life, and you may end up believing that any success you get is out of luck, bad judgment by others, or anything other than yourself. People who experience impostor syndrome hardly talk about how they are feeling and, as a result, struggle in silence.
Just like other psychological issues we experience, imposter syndrome manifests no outward signs that anyone can see, and most ‘eats you’ from the inside out. Most people never recognize it for what it is and end up antagonizing themselves further by wondering what is wrong with them. If you are experiencing this, you should know that it is a feeling that should be recognized and take the necessary steps to address it. If not addressed, you will find yourself unable to pursue your career goals, get the relationships you want, and suffer crippling anxieties among other mental illnesses as a result of continuous negative self-talk.”
Causes of Imposter Syndrome
Earlier research found that imposter syndrome was directly linked with childhood upbringing and gender type (primarily affecting women). Still, later studies have shown it can affect people of all social classes, backgrounds, ages, and genders.
Family Upbringing
Research suggests that how you were brought up plays a vital role in imposter syndrome. If your parents were controlling or overprotective, they may have contributed to your feelings of self-doubt. For example, if you come from a family that highly values achievement, you will find yourself in adulthood always trying to meet this expectation and raise the standards until it’s almost impossible. This can also manifest if your parents often switched between praising and being too critical.
New Work or School Opportunities
We all have the fear of the unknown or have at least experienced it at one point in our lives. It could be that you are starting a new role at work or beginning a new relationship with someone you adore. Being slightly nervous or unsure is normal, but with impostor syndrome, the feeling is constant even when you are actually doing well. You will always feel like you don’t belong and are not capable. Imposter syndrome appears most in people going through transitions and trying new things. The pressure to achieve and succeed, doubled by a lack of experience (which we can argue is normal when beginning a new role), triggers feelings of inadequacy.
Personality
In our therapy practice, we always emphasize the importance of self-awareness. Most of our problems in psychology come from a lack of understanding of ourselves, making it difficult to handle day-to-day life situations without causing ourselves mental disturbance. Some personality traits place you at a higher risk of experiencing imposter syndrome. Traits like:
Low self-efficacy is a lack of belief in one’s ability to succeed in any given situation. By realizing this, you can change your belief system.
Perfectionism: People with this trait think there is a perfect way of doing everything, even simple things like a normal conversation with a colleague. This causes them a lot of stress when trying to find the ‘right’ words to say in every situation. At work, they will find themselves procrastinating tasks because of the extremely high standards they set for themselves.
Neuroticism: Neurotic people experience higher levels of anxiety, insecurity, tension, and guilt. These feelings can make you have difficulty enjoying success or any good thing you do.
Social Anxiety
Sometimes, impostor syndrome can result from social anxiety, as they are closely related. Social anxiety disorder is when someone feels they don’t belong in social or performance situations. You might be giving a presentation and find yourself hurrying through it to finish before someone realizes you are not qualified enough or worthy to stand before such an audience.
Coping With Imposter Syndrome
To overcome imposter syndrome, you need to address some of the deeply ingrained beliefs you have of yourself. It is not easy, and it is not something that will happen in an instant, but gradually, you will manage to have full confidence in your abilities. Below are a few techniques you can consider:
Assess your abilities. Be realistic when assessing your capabilities, not just based on your view but also on what others think. To make this practical, write down the things you are good at, then compare these with your self-assessment and other people’s feedback.
Focus on progress. Shift your focus from doing things perfectly to doing them reasonably well and making progress. Always reward yourself for making progress or simply taking action, as this helps to reinforce the behavior.
Vulnerability. Always share your feelings and thoughts with those close to you, as irrational beliefs thrive when hidden and not talked about.
Questioning. Always question your thoughts when you feel like you are being a fraud. For instance, you can ask…is it sensible to believe I’m a fake with all I know about this topic?
Stop comparing. Comparison is the greatest fuel for feeling unworthy. There will always be something someone can do better than you, and so you will always have a reason to feel unworthy. Instead, you can affirm them for what they are good at and learn from them.
One thing you should never forget is that for you to feel like a fraud you must have some degree of success in your life. It is not that you are not achieving something. You attribute it to other things but you. Instead, you should realize that these are internal beliefs that don’t have anything to do with your actual performance or abilities. Also realize many people would be shocked to know you feel that way because they see you differently.
In an age of social media, it is easy to feel inferior when seeing other people’s abilities or accomplishments. Instead, focus on doing what you can well and don’t compare yourself with them. We are all at different stages of life. Also, learn to acknowledge your feelings of unworthiness as a way to begin understanding the negative beliefs that hold you back. Let your guard down sometimes and allow others to see the real you. And no matter how much you feel like an imposter, don’t let that stop you from pursuing your goals. If symptoms persist or feel overwhelming even after trying all the above, please seek help from a certified counselor for professional assistance.
